Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
