Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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