I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
two words: eviction party
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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