She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
