I wish I could teleport
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
