Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
