i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
