Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Plan B is the new Plan A
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You pole danced in your parka.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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