Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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