Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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