I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
