Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
