Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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