from now on my penis is your penis
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
