but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
