He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
