Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
