I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
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