Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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