As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
