No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
