Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
