Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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