I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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