sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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