Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It's Friday. Sex?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
