I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
