They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
