What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
