I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
