you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize