My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
