He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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