I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize