Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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