Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
send nudes
from the living room?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
