it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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