That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
