Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
