So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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