I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
