So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
