Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I have feelings that need drinking.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
