So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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