So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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