What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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