that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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