Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
What drink are we having for lunch?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
