Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
