You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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