put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
