I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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