I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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