garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
