david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
