Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So squirting runs in the family.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
