You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
