I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
