I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I could make wine with my vomit
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
