Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
