Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
