it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
