I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You can't just leave with hair like that
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
