the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
