I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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