She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
