Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
