I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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