Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize