You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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