This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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