omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I cut my penus on the lid.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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