my vag is so smooth its legendary
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
