Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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