I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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