The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
