hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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