i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
